Grieving

I know I should write about what else I’ve learned this year, but I just can’t. Not right now.

I can’t even type, I feel so scattered today.

Today, I was informed that a wonderful woman I know died.

I knew it was coming — she’s had cancer for awhile. She had it, it went away, and then it came back. It never seems to be good when cancer comes back. So much harder to beat.

However, knowing it was imminent, doesn’t take the sting away. It doesn’t lessen the blow. It doesn’t make it any less horrible that this fantastic, intelligent, powerful woman is now dead at 48, leaving behind her two children and husband.

The first time I met T, it was in college, undergrad. She was my poli econ professor. Poli econ was a class I signed up for to fulfill core course requirements. I found myself intrigued and working my ass off for the B I earned. It was one of the few class I worked very hard to stay awake in (I kinda have a sleeping problem…). I respected T so much as a teacher, that I just felt so BAD if I couldn’t stay awake (it doesn’t matter the amount of sleep, if I sit still, and I’m not doing anything active, I nod off).

Later on, in career number one (my radio news years), I had the opportunity to work with T (sorta), when she was hired for a prominent city job in the town I was living in at the time. I remember rooting for her, not just b/c I loved her as a teacher and a person, but b/c she’s so smart and was ridiculously qualified for the job.

When I decided I’d had enough of radio news (after a mini breakdown even), and was moving back home, T and her family let me stay at their house (while they were gone) b/c my lease was up, but my work contract wasn’t. That’s the kind of people they are.

She and her husband are well liked at the college I went to. There’s kinda a “we worship R” group at school, and my roommate and our other friend, M, were the head members during our years at undergrad. M would even babysit T & R’s kids back then. Currently M and her husband J, live in undergrad town and M has become even closer to T and R. I know this has been harder on M than any of the rest of us.

So, it seems like there is a mass reunion about to take place this week. The circumstances suck, however.

I kept in touch, sporadically, over the years w/ T (I was always closer to her than R). It just seems like something isn’t right in the universe today.

I found out in the middle of summer school today, actually. I went into my office to grab my journal/attendance chart (a new thing I’m trying) and heard my phone buzzing. I grabbed it b/c I’m waiting for a phone call from my ex (that’s another frustrating story entirely) and instead I see my missed call is from M. I knew right away what had happened. I just knew. And I didn’t want to know. At least it was towards the end of the day, so I didn’t have longer that I had to focus.

I think though, the rest of my week is shot.

Anyone have any ideas how to make high school freshman have their “come to jesus” message related to turning their homework in? I have 7 out of 45 that are passing b/c they are NOT doing their homework!

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Filed under grief, homework, summer school

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